my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize