why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
