So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
