he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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