I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
