shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
