Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
