I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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