Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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