Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize