I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
