Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
