SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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