I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You are the jesus of drinking
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
