I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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