You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
