Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Even my vagina gasped.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
