dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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