We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
