I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
