I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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