you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So apparently I’m into choking now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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