Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
