Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
