Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
