it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Less talking, more tequila
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
