wat bout pragnant strippers??
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
