He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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