fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
