M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
