I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
