Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
