I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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