# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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