Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
