omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
