Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
