Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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