Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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