I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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