she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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