Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
