My first STD was from a foam party
"it" just moved
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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