I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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