I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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