I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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