This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
