he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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