I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
