i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
