On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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