This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
