Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
