All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
