Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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