Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
