i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
