dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I love you.
Bad choice
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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