mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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