Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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