..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
