I must be too annoying 4 u.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
