I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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