Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
