you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
