i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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