I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
